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[13 Oct 2009|08:02pm] |
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Kicking myself.
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| Hmmph |
[20 Apr 2008|09:14pm] |
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music |
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Massive Attack_Futureproof |
] |
What about labret? Thoughts?
Also, the journal is in the process of being friends only.
It came to my attention that people that I don't want reading my journal
Read my journal.
It should have been friends only from the beginning...
Life is getting more real and this journal is getting more personal
And I can't handle strangers reading some of my deepest contemplations.
So, if you're lurking and you want to stay on, or you're not sure I've got you added,
Let me know.
Kittens are my source of so much happiness.
Stopped by Heather and Tom's place last night.
Kittens are great.
Came by after work today and hung out with kittens
FOR HOURS.
Cracker Barrel is fabulous
And Tom and Heather never cease to make me smile.
Yay.
Gonna be above 50 all week long,
I want adventures.
And bowling, damnit!
Hooray for warm weather and summer fun.
I'm bringing it back, ya'll.
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| :D |
[18 Apr 2008|11:29pm] |
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| the worst pies in London |
[01 Apr 2008|11:58pm] |
Conjugate.
My ink is itchy and my house is nervous all the time lately.
Work makes my head ache and my stomach twirl, from time to time.
No one is being communicative and so it's always nerve-wracking to try to get things done.
I think about babies a lot, too.
But that's probably PMS and hormones and my monthly maternal nature.
I've got a reputation at work now,
I'm a bitch who's the most fun when she's in a good mood.
Which is okay, I guess.
My workfunk will lift when I get more situated.
Work today was weird.
Waiting on returned calls and readmittance.
Argh.
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[17 Mar 2008|01:17am] |
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music |
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Frou Frou_It's Good to Be In Love |
] |
Sometimes the best things are the easy things
And complications are just that.
I had a really weird shift at work,
Then a really great day with Jay.
I'm going to keep taking it day by day -
Buying shirts that make me feel confident
Ignoring cold sores and botched fudges
And fooling around when my parents are
Totally downstairs.
Tomorrow (technically today) is St. Patrick's Day.
And my day off.
So Will and Jay and I are going to sit around and drink whiskey
And clean the house and watch movies and play with Sculpey
And do whatever happens upon our inebriated noggins.
I'm slowing learning to wink and blow smoke rings
And to relax.
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[16 Mar 2008|12:19am] |
"This isn't tv.
This is real life.
And I love you."
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[14 Mar 2008|06:36pm] |
WHY DOES EVERYONE AROUND ME FEEL THE NEED TO LIE
ALL
THE
TIME?!
Every day that goes by just makes me
Want to go back to Hobart
More and more.
I feel like puking.
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| cuisined |
[12 Mar 2008|11:21am] |
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music |
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Tegan and Sara_Downtown |
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Last night Nico and Shaunnnnna and I went to dinner
At this delightful place called Twist.
They had a celiac menu and I had gluten-free turkey with prosciutto, sundried tomatoes,
And a white wine butter sauce with SHALLOTS.
omgmyloveofshallotswillneverfail.
It was really tasty.
After dinner Shay got pulled over in a parking lot for being really drunk-looking
("whaddaya doooin'!?" says the coppa)
And we played pool with Andy and his two friends
(one had real big teeth)
And shay and I beat the other people once
Then we left halfway through the second game.
So Nicole could pick up our liquor from her boyfriend.
So we did that.
Drank fruity cape codders (vodka and cranberry raspberry joos)
Shay fell ill and went to bed
And me and Nico talked about art, literature, girls and guys
And then we went to sleep.
It was a very good day.
Today I start at the Fudgery and that's cool.
I have to go buy stuff for the uniform.
And find my nose stud.
And shower.
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[10 Mar 2008|01:46am] |
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music |
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Tegan and Sara_Like O Like H. |
] |
The funny thing about being home, and not in school for the first time
Since you* were real short and eating paste
Is this:
There is nothing but the change in the seasons to mark the change in the seasons.
No exams or finals or last days of school or proms or semi-formals
Or goodbyeI'llmissyouhaveagoodsummerandcallmesometimes parties.
Just nature taking her course,
Sort of slow-time shrugging off her icy winter clothes for the ultimate
Floral dress and straw sandals.
So, for some reason, this is making *me feel real small again.
Like I've been saying, the change of the seasons is in my bones,
But it doesn't signify freedom from the educational system
Or a new job or new curfews and time with friends and
Staying up late and kissing people I shouldn't kiss.
No. It just means it's gonna be warm and I can play outside.
But with my joke of a job and my near-total freedom of car usership,
I feel like finally I can take the springsummer warmth and hold it in my hands
And own it, use it to my advantage.
And I will probably grow up again.
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| you gotta learn to live and live and learn. |
[09 Mar 2008|11:15am] |
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music |
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The Raconteurs_Together |
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...You gotta learn to give and wait your turn
Or you'll get burned.
Going red again.
I will be a burgundy-cherry
Who glows in the sun
And quietly smolders indoors?
Sure!
Maria Taylor is my new old obsession,
Re-hatching a love affair from the summer
With her lazy, haunting voice
And acousticy-piano spliced with drum machines
And persistent bass beats.
It's heartbreaking, how she makes me feel.
Last night was interesting.
I was happy high,
Not paranoid, not uncomfortable,
Just enjoying the breeze through the car window
And Life After People on the History channel.
And I suppose I was enjoying Jodi,
Platonically, honestly, and unabashedly overt...
She broke my heart and I can't seem to not remind her
Time and time again.
I'll work on it.
Spring sunny breeziness brings desires of
Rolling green hills and brick dorms full of girls,
Smoking in Adirondack chairs
And staying up late, nursing a buzz and talking real loud.
I've got to visit Hobart soon.
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| this call costs a fortune |
[09 Mar 2008|01:00am] |
Complicated organs color my life.
My colon is a given,
but now you can add my heart
And my head to the equation -
There is no such thing as cordial
When dealing with someone you were once in love with.
It's nothing dangerous, no one is getting played
And no one is getting snuck.
I'm probably just filtering:
sifting through emotions to assign them to
Certain parties so you send the erroneous ones
Off... or at least off to the side?
Tattle Tale is a terrible idea.
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| prototypical non-conformist |
[08 Mar 2008|12:45pm] |
Thrilled by the presence of several like-minded individuals,
My mind thrived last night from exactly 3pm-3am.
Jay's birthday went off hitchless, as far as I can tell.
Got a lot of people together, scored some sticky,
Birthday blunt, the drinking of absurd beverages
(I rarely drink anything but water).
Romping hard, facial piercings,
Persistent chilly rain,
MENSES,
Love.
Now I've designated myself to the chair in my tv room
And I am not going to move. Ever.
I hate my cramps and everything they stand for.
I wish it were silent in my house so I could sit and listen to the rain
Because it sounds so hollow and warm today.
I am going to watch The Princess Diaries,
Eat my sticky rice
And mope.
But be also be so so happy
Because Jay is cute.
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| pretty-eyed boys |
[07 Mar 2008|11:12am] |
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music |
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The Prize Fighter Inferno |
] |
I had a dream I pulled out one of my teeth last night.
I was at work, in a chair in my living room, evading my manager.
I think my brain needs a vacation.
I need a ginger bunny.
Some day.
Some day.
TODAY IS JAY'S BIRTHDAY AND I GET TO MAKE COMMENTS ON HIS OLD KNEES
AND BAD EYES (or something)
because he's 23 now.
Hah.
Also -
In love still.
Gay for my boyfriend.
Whatever. <3
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| ambitions |
[05 Mar 2008|10:24am] |
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music |
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Genesis (ya rly) |
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Saturday night, fuzzy with vodka.redbulls and cheap pink wine,
J'ai décidée that Jay was probably planning on dumping on me
Because I am wrought with shortcomings and I'm not even thin to make up for it.
So I mentioned something to Nicole about my frequency in the sack,
And she (appalled) took me outside to talk about it.
Then Tim got in on it, we chatted for a good while about my insecurities and how
I'm probably (read: definitely) overreacting .
Then when Jay and I were driving home (note to all, don't drive drunk)
I sorta let it all fall out of my mouth and turns out there was kind of a rationale
To everything.
Then we christened the Mazda and I somehow made it home. Hah.
L'amour est une ressource renouvelable.
Funny how I've been trying to write this entry since Sunday, but have failed
Again, and again and the only thing that stayed
Was that phrase.
It's getting warmer and I'm feeling high school again.
I feel it deep in my marrow or somewhere comparable,
Like my essence is the spring and I'm sweating it out
And when I'm done, it will be temperate and green like Florida in February.
(Yesterday at 8am, waiting for my manager to come to the store was Florida in February, too)
Other concerns,
I'm still not as slender as I'd like
My hair is getting to be a silly length
And I keep fighting with Jay in little,
Tiny frustrating ways.
Need a vacation or something significant to happen
Because this monotony is for the birds.
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[02 Mar 2008|07:46pm] |
Hey hey I now have two jobs.
Also, I prefer old school Angelina
To her newer self
Cuz I'm scene like that.
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| Tres |
[26 Feb 2008|11:47pm] |
Sometimes, I think zombie dogs would be scarier than zombie people.
...zombie birds, mice, and creatures like squirrels would be pretty bad, too.
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| all it takes is a little delving |
[26 Feb 2008|12:06am] |
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music |
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(and maybe a little Death Cab) |
] |
Sometimes I worry that I will never feel things as rawly as I felt them when I was 15. At 15, I was dating a 21-year old, as we all know, and things just felt so... solid. Time and again I have to remind myself that time period even happened, that I didn't just float through most of high school in a dream state and yes, indeed, I did have a two year relationship before reaching 18. It seems as though now, for him, it was just a tiny blip in the radar since he's off and marrying his high school sweetheart. I spent my growing years, the time you figure out who you are, what you stand for, and what makes you happy, in a perpetual state of dating. From Chris Toleson all the way through Peter Uth, I stayed single for no longer than 4 months throughout ALL of high school. So, instead of identifying my growing stages in terms of years in high school, houses, friend groups, or what car I was driving, I identify in boyfriends. Which leads me to my next point of interest: Who the fuck am I? I'm currently presented with the scenario that Jason Scott Grimmett will love me no matter what. Which in turn means I can finally explore who I am and what I stand for and no longer rest on 3-year old laurels. I know for a fact I love colors, playing in the dirt, sitting on the floor, and cooking. I know I want to learn to discipline my body, to become stronger, leaner, and the healthiest I've ever been. I can truly take the time to work on who I want to be, inside to out, without taking a hiatus from being headoverheels in love. Maybe right now things feel dulled and cloudy, like I'm watching my own life through a scratched-up transparency. But I have faith that when I get me figured out, the clarity and rawness of being 15 will come back. Last week, I smoked with Jay and we drove around for what seemed like hours and the pot was real good or I was drunker than I thought and suddenly I felt everything with this bright vividness, like I was 6 again and life was an adventure and if things went wrong my mom would just pick me up, dust off my butt and send me on my way. I laughed and giggled and amused myself with the most mundane of concepts. I couldn't hold my joy in.
My new goal is to reach childhood glee more and more in my day to day life.
Build forts, keep secrets, and sleep outside.
Stuff like that.
And I would really like to yell less.
Lots less.
;)
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[25 Feb 2008|11:47pm] |
Meet Sassafras.
She flings poop.
I pulled a hamstring. My right one.
I'm also dying for space,
Some breathing room.
A few days off from being a full-time girlfriend.
My head has little space for Katy, it's so filled with Jay.
Tomorrow I work out with Cary Whitaker (or whatever her name was)
Who helps me get a bikini body in just 20 minutes
OnDemand.
And drink lots of water.
And think less.
Lots less.
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| business spelled like busy-ness |
[24 Feb 2008|04:57pm] |
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I'm on a sliding scale, let's say.
Diet pills (albeit, naturale)
Coffee,
Cigarettes,
And a bad attitude.
My brain works so fast and I love every word that comes out of my mouth
But sometimes people can't
Keep
Up.
I got a hamster last night.
Her name is probably Sassafras.
But I'm not sure yet.
She's a long-haired Teddy Bear hamster
With a keen sense of how to do things
ENTIRELY wrong.
She nested in her wheelballthing.
Which is so very wrong.
But she's cute and I love her.
Also, Einstein is fat now.
I need a sammich.
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[23 Feb 2008|12:09pm] |
Will crashed the Civic,
I am carless
And stripped henceforth of a social life until my parents return
With their new Mazda.
Then I guess I can pimp out the minivan?
Or something.
Life has become a series of similar events
Strung together on a string of anxiety.
Boredboredbored
and
Stuckstuckstuck.
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